#099 "An Important Update"

For the first time ever, the Abidible Podcast is on video! 🎉

If you've noticed things have looked a little different lately, you're not imagining it. Over the past few months, I've stepped back from my usual pace—not because my passion has faded, but because God has been faithfully working behind the scenes in ways I never expected.

In this special episode, I'm sharing a personal life update, what God has been teaching me through this season, why I've slowed down, and how He's deepened my desire to help people not just study His Word—but truly abide in Him.

I'll also be sharing an exciting announcement about the future of the Abidible Podcast that I've been waiting a long time to tell you.

Whether you've been here from the beginning or you're joining for the first time, I hope this episode encourages you to trust what God is doing in the unseen seasons of your own life.

Thank you for being part of this community. I'm so grateful you're here, and I can't wait to share what's next.

Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss future video episodes, and let me know in the comments where you're watching from!

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Transcript

Welcome And A Quick Update

Kate 0:00

Hey guys, this is Kate from Abidible.com, and you're listening to the Abidible Podcast. I'm just a regular wife and mom who's had my life transformed by learning to study the Bible on my own. If I can, you can. On this show, I help you know and love God more by abiding in Him through His Word yourself. Well, well, well, here we are. Okay, what's happening with the Bible? This is a big question. Because if you have followed us for any period of time, followed me on the podcast, you know that I have for like 90-something episodes been putting them out pretty consistently on Mondays. And for the last like month and a half, I think I've only like put out two episodes. Like it's been several weeks in between episodes, and I've been pretty quiet overall on social media. And you may be wondering, is everything alright? And it is alright. It is so much more than alright. So, first of all, you're noticing that uh this podcast is on video. If you have the ability to see that whatever platform you're listening to, if not, you might pop over to another platform because this is also on video, and that is a brand new thing for the Abidible Podcast. And it's something that I'm nervous about because being on camera, I'll talk to you in uh some things that I've been realizing. I'll talk to you about that in a second, but being on camera is just a different level of pressure, it's a different, yeah, it's a whole different animal. And so it's something that I have considered since the beginning. I know that's what a lot of people do with their podcast. They have a video component to it for people who like to be able to see your face and see your expressions and participate that way for people who are visual like me. Like I can listen to a podcast, but I really don't, I I much, much prefer watching a video when I can see someone talking. So I know that that is perhaps a large section of our audience, people who might prefer videos. So part of the reason is um in stretching myself is wanting to serve you in that way. I also know that it may help with engagement in the work that I put into these podcasts, um, and maybe increase the reach of who gets to hear the truth of God's word and who God is and how we can know him through his word and then love him as a result of that. And so anything that I can do to increase that reach for the call that God has put on my life to do this, then that's awesome. And it's also something that you guys have just talked to me about before. You've asked me, will I ever have a video element to the podcast? And so, no promises. This is a test run. I'm gonna see how it goes. Um, but it's a it's a strong possibility that moving forward into our hundreds, so the next episode will be number 100, which is crazy in and of itself, that we maybe will do video moving forward.

Testing A Video Version

Kate 3:30

So even though this episode number number 99, I'm gonna number it 99 because it is our 99th episode, it was supposed to be about the shoes of the gospel of peace, which I have all my work and notes and everything done on, but just have not been able to sit down before you and record it. Uh, I'm gonna move that one to 100. This will be a little pause or update because I think it's due. I think you guys are due for an update on uh uh where I have been and what has been going on. And that's because you're invested in my life and I'm invested in your life, and so God needs to get some glory for what has been happening behind the scenes, and I can't wait to share that with you. Um, but that's what's happening in this episode, and I don't think it'll be very long unless I just get talking to you. Sometimes I just get talking to you, and then here we are 30 minutes later. I like to pretend like I wish I could find a way to sit down with you on a couch or um in a coffee shop and and have some life discussions and know how you're doing because I know that life happens and life is hard, and life is full of beautiful, wonderful things and super duper hard things. And I feel like part of my challenge as a person who is very empathetic and who feels big, who has who has big feelings and big emotions. I struggle when you're struggling. I struggle when the people that I love are struggling. I I so desperately want to be used by God to point people I love, people I'm interacting with, to point them to God, especially in the hard. Um, and also then to rejoice with them in the good. I want to do both of those things, but sometimes it it feels like I I don't know if you guys feel like this. It feels like everybody I know is going through the real the Christians in particular are just going through really, really hard seasons. And so then I'm like, how do I? And I I like have to remember that it's the Lord, you know, that that prayer is my most powerful and most effective tool in coming alongside brothers and sisters, particularly sisters in Christ who are up against it. That God hears our prayers and that he always responds. And it it just sometimes looks different. The timing looks different than what we might think or ask or or want. But that prayer is my most powerful weapon in that, and that God has the people that I love, you know, like that he's not going to let them go, just as he never let me go in all of my heart. So sometimes I can shut down a little bit because I feel so overwhelmed, wanting like there seems to be a lot of fires, and I'm like, how do I put them all out? And it's not, it's that's not on me, you know. Like I want to keep steadfastly and consistently. That was my word of 2025: steadfastness, learning how to be steadfast. I want to keep steadfastly and consistently just pointing people to God, um, pointing people to the truth of his word, to what we can know and and build our foundation on. And then I gotta work on the trust piece of like he loves all of you more than I ever possibly could. And so in the heart, he's working all things together for your good. And he won't let go of you. He's not gonna, he's gonna hold you fast. And so uh, I'm just my my struggle is never like I don't have content to share. I have so much content to share, and I have so many things that God is teaching me, and so much that I want to bring to your attention and bring before you and share with you and point point to him through for you. But um, sometimes I just get overwhelmed with knowing how to organize that or how to um best and most concisely, like the best and most concise way to put that before you without overwhelming you because I'm wordy. I'm like, I and then I also I'm like, I'm like studying the shoes of the gospel of peace, and you should see my notes because it's like I get I nerd out, but then all of a sudden, like this morning, I was like, Jesus, thank you for reminding me that I don't have to comprehensively cover peace, like everything, like you are peace. I don't have to comprehensively cover like everything that you ever said in your word about peace and not like leave any stone unturned, like I want to not leave any stone unturned, but it's like okay, this can be like you can make this like a 30-minute episode. It doesn't have to be seven hours on peace. Guys, when we get to heaven, like I some of you know I've said this because I've said this to you recently. Like, when we get to heaven, can we please just have a class like and can Moses and David and Paul and Luke and Peter and all the different writers, can they just be the professors and can they just like teach us the Bible and show us all the treasures that were hidden that we still like we we dug and dug for years for all of our life and we still didn't see them? Like I just then it can be like comprehensive and we'll never run out of time. Like that sounds amazing to me. That sounds like where I want to be in a in a class, a theology class or an old testament, new testament class that just never ends, and then we can come back the next day, and I'll remember everything. But I digress. So anyway, that's that's just like okay, I have enough content. I'm back, I'm here studying, I'm doing notes, I'm everything is fine. I'm fine, everything is fine. But I just am trying to figure out like how to not always need it to be perfect, and I think that's maybe perhaps why the Lord is saying, like, okay, I'm gonna put you on screen, let's do this in a video format so you can stop having to put so much pressure on yourself that it's gonna be perfect. But I don't want to error either. Er. I don't want error and I don't want to err either. Like I want to make sure, um, you know, I'm gonna be held to a standard because I am called to teach and to share God's word, and so I will stand before him, and I don't want to speak out of turn or have error in the things that I say, and and at the same time, like the weight of that I can put on Christ's shoulders because he's called me to this space and it's my joy to do that, and I would never like intentionally lead you astray. Um, so sometimes maybe even there there would be correction. If I need to make a correction, I can make a correction. If I if I misspeak, I can I can correct that. You know, like just breathe. Um, it's interesting, like I'm sort of just processing this out loud here with

Pressure, Perfectionism, And Spiritual Battle

Kate 10:50

you. Like, it's almost like for some reason, it's almost like a spiritual battle uh is happening in the heavenly places that I can't see that isn't against flesh and blood, where the pressure for some reason on the podcast, like I just have felt like increased pressure. Um and my friend reminded me this past week, you know, Jesus couldn't help everyone, he couldn't heal everyone, he couldn't preach to everyone. Like there were people that didn't respond to him, there were people who rejected him, whatever. Like it he he was here for a limited time and he loved the father, and his food was to do the father's will, and he was all in on that mission. And even Jesus, God himself, the God man, could not fix everyone. And I don't know what, like, I don't even know what that is. Like it's an area that I need to surrender where it's like, okay, I can't fix everyone. I can't fix everyone's problems. Like, I do worry sometimes when somebody I love who I know loves Jesus is like going in a season where I can tell they're under under spiritual attack to believe lies or to walk away from the body or to walk away from God or to choose um an idol instead of him and to close their Bible and let it start collecting dust. Like that, uh that that that like as you can tell, it brings up like panic because I know that place, you know, it's like I just I know that deep dark hole that it is to try and do life apart from God because I did it for many years. And I just want my ministry um to help in any way possible to prevent that from happening. And it's like, okay, it's that's Jesus' work, you know. Like my job is to steward what he has uh given me, the gifts and abilities he's given me with the time and ability that I have and he is the one that holds fast, he is the one that keeps, he is the one that draws near. And so, you know, I'm just processing it out loud with you, but my love for Jesus is stronger than ever because I have to tell you what he's also just done for me recently. I have to testify of his goodness um and my time in the word. I'm still here, I'm still nerding out, I'm still staying, I'm just trying to figure out how to also bring you content consistently. And it's I don't think there's anything new necessarily other than maybe video. Like, I don't think there's anything new that I need to be doing. And I just keep I keep trusting the Lord too. Like one of the things that I said to him at the very beginning, because I have done things in my own strength and built things in my own strength and been my own God, and it was the worst. You get to the top of the mountain and you check out the view and it stinks. Uh, but I have said to him, like Moses, you know, like if you I'm not saying I'm like Moses, but like Moses said to God, if you don't go up from here, we don't want to go either. You know, like if you don't lead us, if you're not in it, then then we don't want to go. And and I don't want to build, and unless the Lord builds the house, right? It's laborers, labor in vain. I don't want to build anything that he's not in. I don't want to just force episodes that aren't anointed, that aren't filled with the spirit just because it's Monday. And um I think it's an important distinction for me too. Like, I've gotten some great um counsel from my pastors, and um, they've even helped me like with the templates for my for my episodes and how to like um help people understand and bring them through the ideas that I'm presenting to them from scripture, and so I think I've even like put pressure on myself, like they're doing it every week, so I should be doing it. It's like, no, they're pastors, like, and I'm not minimizing the role that God has put me in to call called me to to teach, hear, and to share with whoever ends up listening. I'm not minimizing, but there also has to be grace. I am a homeschooling mom full-time, although it's summer vacation as of this week. Praise you, Jesus. We got through another year by the grace of God. Um, and I'm a wife, and I am a friend and a daughter, and I also am a human being with a body that needs to be taken care of. And that's, I think, where I'll go next. So that's what I'm just saying. I need to give myself grace um because I have other jobs and other things that I'm doing too, and that doesn't mean that I'm not as passionate as I've always been about abidable, but I'm also, you will be so excited to hear, um, being obedient in areas of my life, like striving toward holiness in ways that are very new to me, like so that I can fight the

Grace For Limits And Real Life

Kate 16:15

good fight. I have always been very emotional about the idea of being like a warrior for Christ, of the idea of like beating your body into submission so that you can um stand and fight the good fight and be strong in the Lord, right? Um, I was an athlete all through college. I was very dedicated to I was five foot six outside hitter, and I had to work really hard on my vertical so that I could play in college. And I did, and I spent a lot of time in the gym, a lot of time working on my vertical, special jumping shoes and all kinds of calisthenics. And um my high school mascot was Warrior, and when I was touring the college where I ended up going, they shared in the chapel that their weekly worship, student-led worship, was called Warriors for Christ. And that was actually the confirmation because our Bible study, I got saved when I was 17, and so we were the Warriors, our high school mascot, and then we also called ourselves that like our little Bible study, as more and more people started to come in high school because people were like, What happened to Kate? She was a miserable, horrible person, and God is really changing her, and she's not the same person. And people took note, like the Lord used that in the season that I was in because of who I had been prior to Christ, and um, our little group was warriors for Christ. So, anyway, Jesus used that in that college chapel as a confirmation for where he wanted me to go, absolutely where I was supposed to be for my college education is where I met Jason and a lot of people who poured into my life and my roommates and friends and amazing human beings. And so this idea of like, you know, like stand up and fight um matters to me. And putting in the work to be fit, and I'm not just talking about physically fit, but to be sound of sound mind and sound body has historically always really mattered to me. I mean, I was really athletic. Like in my um between my junior and senior year of high school, I did a four-week volleyball camp, an elite volleyball camp, and the coaches were from all over the world. And one day all of the camp, like all of us players, and then the coaches got together in the gym and we were doing a wall sit challenge, and I was up against the wall, and people started. I mean, like I had quads, you guys don't understand. I was up against the wall doing my wall sit, five minutes, ten minutes, people are dropping out, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, people are dropping out. 30 minutes on the last one on the wall, doing a 30-minute wall sit to the point where they couldn't get me to break. So my six-foot coach, six-foot something coach from England gets on my legs, stands on my legs, and I still don't break. This makes me cry. That was my watch, not a fart. I'm crying and not farting. Um, my five, six-foot-something coach stands on my leg, on my legs to try to get me to break, and I still don't break. So they start handing him weights. And finally, I mean, like, lucky my knees didn't blow out right, but like that's how strong I used to be. And somewhere along the way, like, I super lost that. Probably in like all of our infertility stuff. And around the time that we were going through our infertility stuff, I was also in the very beginning stage of finding out about endometriosis. So I've had, you know, endometriosis for easily 15 years. Um, a majority of that, like undiagnosed slash I knew about it, but none of my doctors knew how to um direct me to get the care that I actually needed to get it cut out of my body. And so I've been sick for so long, and my metabolism, you know, post post-pregnancy and then into my late 30s, early 40s, my metabolism just tanked and went through like obviously a lot of seasonal depression. We went through some really hard church stuff. Life, guys, life. Life happened. And I stopped taking care of myself. Like I stopped caring for this temple. I stopped fighting the good fight, and I genuinely no longer had the strength or endurance to stand. I would try, like there would be like, you know, a little sprint here and there, but I would always give up. I would always fall back into the habits that got me in those places in the first place. And I'm talking physically, but I'm also talking spiritually. And I'm what I'm saying to you is that I am, I am, um, my body and my spirit, how God has made me, are completely intertwined. And so, of course, and so is yours. Of course, if I'm not taking care of my body, which is, as we know, scripture tells us, the temple of the living God. It's the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. If I'm not taking care of my temple and I feel like garbage, that's also going to affect my walk with Jesus. That's gonna affect my spiritual life. And so You know, oh my gosh, this is making me so emotional because I'm so grateful. Um what God has done in this whole season.

Losing Strength And Living In Pain

Kate 22:17

I mean, really all the way back to late 2020, early 2021, when you know, in COVID, I was in the throes of being out of church for like essentially four years, away from God, away from his people, Bibles obviously collecting dust on the shelf, hiding from God, trying to do my own thing, trying to build my own life, my own world, because you know, church hurt, people hurt. I just wanted to go into isolation and do my own thing and build up my walls, and even from God, build up my walls from God. And so that's what I did. And you know, if you've taken the course, um, our revitable course, where I share a lot of our story, or if you've heard me talk about it on the podcast, like God drew me back to Himself through His Word. I was in such a dark pit and I just would cry, you know, like at night I'd just write help on my pillow because I was, I couldn't even pray. But like that was like that was my prayer, you know, that was me praying. And through a series of different things, including the TV show The Chosen, which was the only thing I wasn't even willing to watch sermons online. I wasn't gonna go to church and I wasn't willing to watch sermons, but I was willing to check out this new Jesus show, which wrecked me. Um, I started watching The Chosen and through that started desiring to open my Bible again. And then that's when God called me to read it clear as day. If Jesus, and it started with thinking about Jesus in the wilderness in those 40 days, and that if Jesus to overcome temptation needed the word of God, then what was I doing? You know, I just knew get my nose in the crack of this book and don't come up for air until I'm okay, until I know that he has me. And so for 40 days, because of that timeline, I read through the entire Bible, which I look back at, I mean, we're reading through it right now as a family, and we've been doing it obviously. We just finished six months, we're in the beginning of July, and I'm like it it was a supernatural thing because not only was I like hostile toward God and not walking with God, the idea that I was able to do it in 40 days is absolutely a divine, supernatural thing that the Lord God did in my life. And as he did that, what I've told you before is that he like split me in two, you know, completely wrecked me and then put me back together whole. Like it was um the first time that I'd read through the Bible, obviously, also the first time and only time I've read through it that quickly, but in reading through it that quickly, like the Old Testament is so heavy and you resonate so much with how Israel struggled with the same patterns of sin and temptation and giving in and idolatry and walking away from God and breaking his commandments and forgetting his goodness and then remembering and coming back, like that cycle, you just and you're just like racking your brain, like wanting to hit your head into the wall because it's so frustrating, but also frustrating because you identify. And then because I was reading it in such a short period of time, when I get to the New Testament and I open Matthew, and it's like this is the genealogy of Jesus Christ, and you see his name in black and white, you've been like yearning, like this is the Messiah that you know has been promised and that you have been waiting for, and you see his name in black and white, and I just like you know, was wrecked, and then read the Old Testament and and God used that. Did I ever say Old Testament? Read the New Testament, and God used that to put me back together whole. But here's the thing that I've been learning, and this is what's been going on with me in this season.

God’s Gentle Work Of Sanctification

Kate 25:45

Like he's just never done with us, but he is so kind and so gracious to do it gently. Like if he, you know, I don't know why I thought of this as an image, but if he was like a watch salesman, like with a trench coat, and opened up his trench coat and showed me all my sin at once, it would undo me. I would be undone. It would crush me. I would fall, I would fall like it's Isaiah, you know, like Isaiah before a holy God. He's like falls down. I'm a man of unclean lips and unclean people, like cannot stand before holy God. Like it would crush me. And so one of the things that that demonstrates the kindness of God is how He with a gentle surgeon's hand and a scalpel goes in and carefully addresses the things that need to be addressed. And so for me, the two main things were my use of social media and my body. So, use of social media, I was just I was just spending way too much time reading the news. And it was really affecting every area of my life, including just even though Liam like wouldn't hear the things that I mean, sometimes he would he wouldn't hear the things that I was listening to or watching, like just bringing that spirit of doom into our house, it was affecting his sleep at night. Like I have a direct correlation between him not being able to fall asleep and the seasons when I'm scrolling, um, and and versus the seasons when I'm just off and I'm not looking at any of that stuff, and I'm not bringing it into our home. Like again, if there is a spiritual battle and allowing that um very demonic, chaotic energy into our home. And I don't use energy in a new age sense, but a demonic influence in our home was affecting me and affecting Liam and God really, and and also Jason, like you know, the endless things like where do you hear this one? You know, it's like that's not good for him either. It's like feeding yourself muck. And so I had this like desire to need to know. Um, and it was no what, you know, like I watched a really good podcast. Let me see if I can scroll and find, where um, you know, they just read a few verses as a reminder of what the Lord Um wants us to know and what we don't need to know. Like we don't like because of social media, um, there's just like this, it's it goes back to the garden and to the apple, like the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Like, let me just eat this apple so that I can know everything and be like God. And I don't I don't need to know everything, and I actually don't want to know everything, and we weren't created to know everything. Like social media can be really beneficial and it can be used for good. It can also be super destructive. And so, um, you know, these guys were just talking about this and how much Christians should be investing in in like conspiracies and what's happening all over the world in every part of the world, and knowing the really hard, negative, ugly, and seeing all the hate, like all of that. Um, and then particularly just the need to know. And so this is Deuteronomy 29, 29. The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children together forever, to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law. So, like, God has revealed to us everything that we need to know. The secret things, there are things that we aren't gonna know. Maybe in this life, maybe we will know in heaven, maybe never. Like, there are some mysterious parts to God that we may never know. And there is an element of submission to the goodness of the Father. It's like if I know the Father, and you know, like like the Nephilim, for example, like and the end times, like, and signs of the end times, like how much longer are we here? Jesus, are you coming back? Like those, it's it's like okay to study, like we want to know what scripture says. Like, Jesus responded to those questions from the disciples. He said to watch and pray, and there's an element of being ready, but it's not to the detriment of our walk with him. It's not meant to cause panic or fear, it's not meant for us to speculate on things that we don't have the answer to, and certainly not to get in fights over them, um, to the to the detriment and to the hurt of the cause of Christ, you know, like if it's making me fearful and not wanting to go out into the world and serve and love and point people to Jesus, it's no good, right? Like there are mysteries and secret things that belong to God, and he's a good father. And so we can trust him and we can say, God, if there is something that you want me to know, reveal it to me through your word, reveal it to me through people that I know and trust. But I will tell you that, like, the news was consuming me. Um, there's also 1 Timothy 1, 3 through 7 that just says, Paul, you know, Paul's talking to Timothy and he says, As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus, so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than stewardship from God that is by faith. The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Certain persons, by swerving from these, have wandered away into vain discussion, desiring to be teachers of the law without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they make confident assertions, which is just, I guess, a caution for you too, those of you that are listening, you guys have social media, like you might be watching things like be cautious, be cautious about what you're consuming and who the people are that are sharing. Are they qualified? Are they qualified? Are they stewarding God's word correctly? Are they rightly dividing God's word? Are they pointing people to Jesus? Or are they doing things to stir up controversy? Are they doing things to get clicks? Are they doing things to make money through the viewership that they have? Like, just be cautious and don't pay attention, don't engage with anything that takes away from our charge of love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience. And so for me, like as I was saying, God is still, he is still sanctifying me. That's part of the the Christian life. Like, and and he is still increasing in me a desire for holiness, like not wanting to presume on his grace because I know he'll forgive me. Like, oh, I can keep scrolling. I know that he doesn't want me here, but I'm gonna keep scrolling anyway, and he'll forgive me. I'll presume on his grace. Like, that's not the behavior of a daughter who knows her father. Like, if I truly know him, then I know that he loves me and what he's telling me to do is for my good. And so I felt extremely called. Uh, I think May 1st was my last day. Uh, so it's been over two months where I have not at all like scrolled the to find out the news or to like look into stupid conspiracies or figure out what day Jesus is coming back. Um, those were things that were just distracting me. And so I feel a a tremendous uh sense of freedom that he's also just taken the desire. Like there were there were days where I've just like, what am I doing? Like it would be my escape, and I'd be who knows how long I'd be scrolling. And so I'm really grateful for that.

Quitting Doomscrolling With Scripture

Kate 33:25

And then the second thing that he has been doing in terms of calling me to holiness, calling me to obedience, has to do with my body because I had been in so much pain, and I'd been praying one of the things like in our small group, we just finished um the armor. We had a Saturday group that was meeting, and so at the beginning of that, we were just talking about prayer and how it can be really hard to keep praying for something where it doesn't feel like God hears you or he's giving an answer, and also we were like saying, Man, I I I often most quickly give up on prayers for myself. I stop praying for for things for myself, and there's a fear that's connected to that. You know, if I keep praying and God doesn't answer, does that mean that he doesn't hear me because he doesn't love me? Like, why am I not getting an answer on this thing that's a good desire, you know? Um, and so one of my friends in the study, I think I've maybe mentioned this before, we both just committed to praying for ourselves, like in in an area that she wants don't want wanted prayer for. And and for me, it was with my health and my body, and I just really started asking the Lord to unlock my back and to unlock my pain because I was in pain all the time. And he has, you know, not every prayer gets answered, and I knew that, and so there was this part of me, like, I'm going to not, because we talked about that, like um praying in the spirit at all times, like that's a biblical concept. Pray at all times with all thanksgiving and prayer and supplication, like be relentless, be like the widow, you know, in the um, be like the friend in the middle of the night, the persistent widow and the friend in the middle of the night. Like, don't stop asking. He he knows our needs and he loves when we come to him with them. But I had also started to be like in this place of like, well, maybe he's not gonna heal me. Maybe this is gonna be my thorn, maybe and and I knew in my bones that it was not going to be a deal breaker for me and God, because I had tasted and seen the goodness of God. And unlike other seasons in my past where I didn't have the foundation of his word and I didn't have the um knowledge of who he really was and the love as a result for him, um, I had walked away from him. And it's like now I I knew that if he never healed me and if my life was gonna be that level of pain consistently for the foreseeable future, I was still gonna walk with him. Like that wasn't just a good sound bite. That wasn't that was privately between me and him. Like I'm here, I I choose you, like Peter says, like, where else would we go? You have the words of life, and so I had come to um the a place of peace with that, but also was feeling called and challenged to keep praying and to keep asking. And so I did, and I shared that on social media, like some of the journal entries that I had made during that season where I was like not really asking and saying I was all good, but then being more confident in approaching his throne boldly because he is my good father and because he wants me to come and tell my needs, and that's what I was doing. Unlock my back, unlock my back. This is really hard. I'm really struggling, I'm in a lot of pain that makes it hard to want to do anything. And um, lo and behold, through my physical therapist asking a simple question, you know, we had to come to Jesus. I'd been seeing her since December, my pain was still awful. I couldn't sit like this and talk. Um, and I was the heaviest I'd ever been. I couldn't sleep, I wasn't sleeping. And just my overall quality of life, like when we would do family trips to anywhere, like say Disney when we go, it would I'd be in excruciating pain and um really suffering, trying to do fun family things, not having a lot of desire to go out, certainly not enjoying showering and doing my hair and makeup and getting dressed in clothes that didn't fit. And so I was just wearing the same stretch pants for 1700 years, older than America, just kidding. And um, I had a conversation, I just cried. I just said, This is not working, I'm not getting any better. You know, I thought my surgery was gonna be the magic ticket, and it wasn't. And um I know that God cut the disease out of me, but my back was still completely screwed up and it was causing all of these problems. And so she asked me about gluten. She said, Have you considered like taking a hard look at your diet and making some changes? And I had already cut processed and sugar and I was feeling a little bit better, but I was like, I'm willing to try anything. So for me, that was the answer. Um, God used that conversation to unlock and to begin a process of healing because the gluten got rid of the inflammation, which got rid of the pain, which got rid of the sleepless nights, which had me feeling more rested. I also went and talked with my um GYN and got some hormone testing done and found out that though my my levels are normal, it would benefit me at this phase because of the pelvic pain I was having, pelvic floor pain that I was having post-surgery, because everything was twisted, and because of my sleeplessness, that it would be worth checking out progesterone. So I started on that in the end of May, and all of these things started working together for good in the sense that I then had a desire to eat healthier, had the energy to make the meals, to go shopping, to make the plans for the meals. I mean, these were things that I literally couldn't do. And um, some of you may resonate, some of you may be in this place just in terms of how you feel and how your body feels. Maybe you've been there before, maybe you know someone who's there. It's a really hard place when you have chronic pain, or when your body is unfamiliar to you and you don't understand what it's doing, and all the things that you used to do to stay healthy and to be a warrior and to be fit and to do 30-minute wall sits, like none of that works anymore, and you can't do it, and the weight just won't go away, and so then you have all this extra pain and pressure on your joints, and it's just this vicious cycle. And so, for me, making a few of those changes unlocked everything, and I did a lot of research just about metabolism and about my age, and um added an electrolyte, like there's just a list of things that I did, but I'm telling you that it started with a conversation that triggered a domino effect. Um, I'm down just shy of 25 pounds in two months. My clothes are fitting. I'm having fun wanting to go shopping, I'm having fun wanting to shower and do my hair and makeup, and also like feeling like okay, maybe I will do videos because honestly, guys, like I was just hiding. I felt so it's like amazing. It's a total testimony to God that I have done anything with Abidible at all because it's not me. Like, I have been behind the scenes, like physically, genuinely not okay. And so it it has been, as you can tell, my lifeline, like being in the word this time has been the difference between previous seasons where I built my house on the sand and the storm came and great was the crash, right? Like this the house came crashing down because it was built on sand. This time the storms came and my house was built on the rock, and it has nothing to do with me other than the Holy Spirit working obedience in me, working the desire in me to be in the word, working um my discipline to abide. That's all like that. I don't get credit for any of those things. He's the one that's pursued me, he's the one that drew me to himself, he's the one that's been teaching me how to abide. This is why I'm so flipping, serious about abiding, because it's the difference between the sand and the rock, and it's the difference between a house coming crashing down when the hard storms come, because they will, because this life will have trouble and tribulation while we are still here on earth. That's a promise, that's a fact. And so to see the I'm the same, I'm it's me. Hi, I'm Kate. It was Kate in the in the house on the sand, it was Kate in the house on the rock. The difference is where I built my house, and so it's just amazing to me. Like now that I feel as good as I feel, and I'm not done yet, like I'm really just getting started on this, getting back to healthy warrior Kate, um healthy Kate status. It's a it's a it's a journey that I'm on, but I feel so much better that I'm like, how was I doing anything? You know, like I just have a total different I feel like I feel like the world has color again, which is funny because my buddy Kelsey and I joke about me always wearing black and white. She's a very fun, colorful person. She has a really fun wardrobe. And so she's always very proud of me if I had any color. Cause I but that you know what? Like, that's not how I've always been. I loved wearing color. When I got my hair cut, I like chopped, that was also part of this process. Like I went and got my hair done, um, chopped about 10 something inches off and cried because it revealed like I felt like the part of my stomach, my my core that was so overweight, I just like was hiding behind my hair, hiding behind my glasses. Like when I started wearing contacts a little bit again, I was like, oh my gosh, my face is so puffy, so swollen. Um, and hiding behind black clothes and stretch pants. And so one of the other commitments I made, like this is just all the Lord, like gently slowly working me. One of the other commitments I made was that I was gonna start wearing jeans again. Like jeans are unforgiving in a good way. Like, I stretch pants were like giving me no accountability because they just keep stretching. And I've been in the same pants and the same like PJs post-surgery for a really long time, like just really not taking care of my temple. And the Lord, like, so clearly spoke to me that he's in the business and always has been in the business of rebuilding temples and he can restore that was that which was lost, restore even years that the locusts have taken. Like, it is amazing to me. Like, I put 25 pounds on my back in a backpack and tried to walk around, and I just cried like it is amazing to me. That the Lord can heal and restore something that has been so broken for so long. And genuinely I thought, well, this is just perimenopause. This is this is just how my body, I'm just this is just me now. Like, I don't recognize myself, I don't recognize my own body, and so I'm just gonna keep pressing on. Maybe my whole body is the thorn. Like maybe the Lord is just gonna say, My grace is sufficient for you. And he could have, and he still would have been good. But in this particular situation, he gave me the perfect combination of things at just the right time that are working for me, where I'm losing, like I'm losing weight every single day. And I have had so many seasons where I've tried before and not been able to break through plateaus, like I lost 15 pounds and then I lost like another seven in two weeks, you know, on top of that. And it just continues and I know like I know what's working, and I have a very I am exceptionally motivated by the grace of God to keep going because of I I know how sick I was and I know how awful I felt. And so these things have been taking a priority, like my relationship with Jesus and my worship and my obedience and my holiness right now look like fighting for my life. I was the heaviest I was so overweight and so uncomfortable in my own body, and it was affecting everything. And so I'm just like, what is it gonna be like? Already I can tell the difference. You know, we just had a family um 4th of July weekend at the cabin on the water. Um, my brother and sister-in-law's cabin on the water with the whole family and lots of little cousins and my nephews, and I just had energy that I haven't had in forever. Like I wanted to kayak, I wanted to get up and look at the crabs, I wanted to go back up the stairs to go face pain. I wanted to come back down the stairs, like things that I just couldn't have done two months ago, already my quality of life is so much better. And so I I attribute all of that to God faithfully answering the prayer in practical ways through regular people who aren't even like my PT isn't a believer, um, using situations and circumstances to point me in the right direction so that he could bring the healing that I was asking for. And that's where I've been.

Healing Steps That Changed Everything

Kate 46:25

That's where I've been. Um really committed to great, healthy, clean meals. And all of this um by the power of the Holy Spirit, not something I can do in my own strength. Again, like I know myself, I'm energizer buddy. I try something, I go at it for a little while, and then I stop. And so that's not the case with the Bible. I'm not stopping anything, I'm just I had to make this a priority because I I would have, I would have crushed and burned. Like there would have been a point where I couldn't have continued um, you know, with the podcast and with creating studies and doing studies. And so that's where I've been. I've also just been doing um the study in person and learning a lot about how to teach and talk and train through our local group with amazing women who are just so hungry for God's word and have encouraged me beyond words. Um, I I know that this way of studying the Bible makes a huge difference. I mean, they're just saying, like, I feel like I'm awake and they can't wait to find out what we're doing next. So that's the update. I didn't, man, it's like this is a longer episode again, but I just really wanted to tell you what's been going on. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for enduring in prayer for me. So many of you I know really genuinely have prayed for me. Jason was listening to an episode um from a couple weeks ago, or a couple weeks ago, he was listening to an episode from a couple weeks before that. And I was talking about how much pain I was in and just the battle, like to, you know, the struggle. And he's, you know, on this side of it with me now, and he knows how much better I'm feeling and doing. And he's like, it was really cool listening to that episode, knowing that God's healing for you was right around the corner. And so just thank you for listening to me share on the podcast when I was struggling. Thank you so much for praying for me. And um, I'll tell you, you know, whatever it is in in your life that feels like an insurmountable thing, whether it's your health, your weight, um, a pattern of sin that you've been struggling with for years that you you you can't seem to get past. Like it is in that very place that the Lord most desires to demonstrate his power to you. The the idea is surrender, you know, like what is your role in it? Total surrender, total trust, boasting in your weakness in that area, going to him repeatedly, knocking and knocking and knocking without ceasing until he answers, and trusting him with whatever the answer is gonna be. Um, there's a beautiful, like I just am like, who am I, Lord? Like I was out kayaking yesterday, and it's just a small canal in Washington. We have a ton of inlets and waterways all throughout this area, but it wasn't even like the main Puget Sound, and it certainly wasn't the Pacific Ocean, it's just this canal, and it's massive. Like I I I like put rode out there way out, and I'm like away from the family, away from everything. I just realized something and I'm I'll say it in a second, and I'm singing, I'm just worshiping Jesus, like for being faithful, you know. Um and I feel so small, like it's the good thing about getting out in nature, right? Like you feel so small, and I think I'm in this tiny little person, in this tiny little kayak, on this tiny little canal, in this tiny little state, in this one part of the world, in you know, the galaxies that God has created, and yet he is mindful of me, and he knew my pain and he knew my struggle, and he heard my, you know, like my cry to him, reached his voice. He he inclined and bent down to hear me from his holy temple, like Psalm 18 says. And it's just like, who am I, Lord? And that's how he feels about you. He hears your prayers, he cares about what matters to you, your fears, your struggles, your conflict and relationship, your addictions, your sin patterns, your fears. Did I say that already? He just knows them all. And um, I didn't think of it until now, but where I was um in the kayak was kind of you know out by this point, and up in the tree there was an eagle. Like, so I was like right below, and he's just up there looking. And one of my favorite verses when I first became a Christian is from Isaiah 40. You guys know it, 30 and 31, but I want to back up a little bit and just I'll close with this.

Wings Like Eagles And Closing

Kate 51:27

So this starts with verse 27. Why do you say, Oh Jacob, and speak, O Israel? My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God. Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might, he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted. But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not be faint. You know, an eagle soars on the wind, not on its own strength. It opens its wings and it's the wind that carries. And that's the same idea, and that's that is the grace of God when he allows us to experience weakness so that he can demonstrate his power, his provision, his love for us. So boast in your weakness. Thank you guys for listening. Thanks for praying. I'll be back. My goal is next week for episode 100, which will be on the shoes of the gospel of peace. I'm just a little bit behind, but grace, this is where I've been, and this is what I've been doing, and it's been exceedingly important. And I know that this is an area of obedience. This is where the Lord is calling me to walk in holiness with how I take care of my body, my temple. And so that's what's been up. I love you guys. That's all I've got for today, but I will close by showing you this since it's a video. Jason got me this for the anniversary of the Abidible Podcast. We had our two year anniversary a couple weeks ago. Until then, let's abide. Love you guys.